I had an epiphany just a few moments ago, but of course, it's something like 1:30 in the morning so there's no one to talk about it with! Boo hoo, cry me a river.

Mostly, it's concerning said situation and now I'm just floundering between sadness and pissed off, whereas before it was just sort of an overall sadness. Whatever, I have so many more important things to think about right now...especially with my paper on Foucauldian theory in literature due on Monday. I'm pretty grateful to have TAs mark my stuff because I somehow don't believe that any of my profs would uh, "appreciate" my work as much as my TAs.

My last two essays, I got a B+ on, when I thought that I would fail. On this one, where I absolutely have to get a B or higher, there are, alas, no opportunities for a rewrite. That sucks because the last two times, it was that rewrite opportunity that got me through it all. So even though I still don't know what the hell I'm writing about, I better learn soon and fast because time is running out.

Or as I say constantly to Sarah - "I need tiiime!", "All I need is time...", "There's not enough time!"
Or sometimes, as I say to Jenn - "After x number of cups of coffee, it ceases to work.", and "Why can't humans survive on no sleep?!"

So here I am procrastinating! Good times, good times.

Where the hell did this year go? Seriously. I mean, during this time last year, I was freaking out about acceptances, and hanging on by a thread to my midterm average marks in all of my classes. And yet, I somehow feel so much more tired this year around this time than last year. Oh right. That's because I get no sleep...and still get no work done. Ah, the life of the university student.

I think I'll make a list of all the pros and cons of said year (generally speaking):
Pros
- VCP! Hands down, highlight of my year: I'mma miss all those people! Inside joke time: "Look! It's an EMO book!"; "Ewww, those are Sean's, return those to him like that!"; "It's a massacre!"; "Things are either 2 of cheap, fast or good. Like McDonald's....it's cheap, fast.....not so good."; "I love Johnny Beers, I love Johnny Beers..."; "
- meeting a few new people. Granted, I'll probably only stay in touch with about two of them and the rest will fade away into oblivion, but I'm somehow okay with that.
Cons
- ah...the first one, let's....let's not start again. ;)
- Letting my marks drop...and then regarding them with apathy
- Still not knowing what the hell I want to do with my life
In the middles
- stretching my limits both physically, mentally and emotionally - Best Buy/White Rose/Finals Christmas was not an ideal time in my life that I will strive to remember, but now at least I know that I can stand 13 hr shifts whilst nursing a fever and the worst cold I've had in about 5 years; Literature and theory: now I know the real meaning of bullshit and how it feels to be completely lost in a class, completely lost and completely clueless and yet still write down the class as one of the most interesting ones so far; And emotionally, realize that feeling like shit before this year really wasn't feeling like shit - it was more like, pre-shit.
- getting in my first automobile accident: scary, but it wasn't my fault and at least I now know what to do if I get into a similar situation
- prospective unemployment from White Rose: Unemployment, bad. Fresh start? Good. Very good.
- disassociation: change, realize that other people change, and embrace it.

Huh. I really should get back to that essay....
Happy trails, folks.

:: Emily 2:02 AM [+] ::